Often I feel the need to talk about my feelings. Often I do, but often I don't, because I don't know where and how to start and how best to formulate it. So I thought: what better place to express my thoughts than on a blog? Well, here we are!
There is a topic that has been on my mind for the last half year. A topic ruled by constantly changing emotions, with ups and downs. Sometimes difficult and sensitive, depending on who I talk to about it. Here is an excerpt from my thoughts and experiences over the last few months.
Do I like what I am studying? 🤔💭
In June last year, I left my university as a master's degree holder in interior design, after 5 hard years of learning. I was looking forward to starting my first job in September, finally earning my own money in my learned profession and having a firm footing in professional life.
However, for about two years there was a voice deep inside me telling me that something was wrong with this path. While I was drawing my plans on AutoCAD, the still unfinished breastplate of my Drogoncosplay was always smiling at me over my shoulder. Often I had such a desire to throw my whole PC against the wall just so I could finally get on with the cosplay. But at that time it would never have occurred to me that this was what I wanted to do professionally rather than interior design.
Well, I slowly started to become aware of it, but I forcefully ignored the thought. After all, I had my last two years of university ahead of me and I didn't want to talk myself into anything! At this point, I noticed a kind of fear rising up inside me every time I compared my coursework with my costume hobby. To my regret, I could say with 100 percent certainty that I preferred working on my cosplay creations a thousand times more than I did for an interior design project. While my fellow students were happily designing their projects, I was always eyeing my mannequin with Drogon on it. "Oh, that's how it is in professional life, you just have to do things you don't enjoy as much," I thought to myself. The thing I really liked about this work was the manual work, the drawing and building of models. This got me through my studies, but unfortunately working life is quite different and computer is the main option. If you believe it or not, I didn't know this. Nobody told me that "I'd loose my time" drawing nice looking perspectives. This was really frustrating to hear ...
My expectations working as an interior designer VS. How they work most of the time (at least in a lot of offices)
Feeling guilty, my everyday life 🌧️
Well, here we are in September on my first day in an architectural office. From the very first moment I felt uncomfortable doing this work, but again I suppressed my thoughts and feelings. Very very quickly, however, I could no longer hold back and had to face "the public" with the fact : I don't want to be an interior designer, I want to be a costume artist! To finally express my thoughts, which had been held back for so long, was a great relief, but it also brought with it the next problems. Don't get me wrong, it's brilliant work, but not what I imagined for myself.
Sceptical and incredulous looks from the people I explained the situation to became commonplace. "So you studied five years for nothing" I often had to listen to. Exactly such sayings were not particularly helpful for my mental state, but in the meantime I have learned to speak openly and honestly about this fact without feeling guilty. This was and still is a difficult process for me.
Now we are in April 2022 and I have learned a lot about myself and about life. I probably sound like a war veteran who defended his homeland on the front lines in WW2, but somewhere you could compare it to that: it is my own personal struggle and war with myself and what is expected of you in today's society. To admit what you would like to do in life, even though 95 percent look at you sceptically. To pursue your dream, even if it seems unrealistic and absurd. Sometimes things don't go as planned. And you have to make the best out of it!
Am I already earning money with cosplay? No.
Am I still at the beginning? Oh yes.
Will I be successful one day? Maybe.
Do I have the energy to pursue my dream, no matter how hard and rocky the road is going to be? Absolutely!
With this, I wish you a lot of positive vibes if you are going through something like this too! 😊
Best wishes from the last Dodo on belgian land! 🇧🇪❤️
Photocredit : Natasha Stephanie
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Dear Dodo,
That was certainly a difficult time for you, as it is for much families, but at the end, you had to make your choice and you won the war inside of you. How ever, you are a great person and you will go your way ! 🤗